North Texas gay bars have provided community for many. Here are their stories

Editor’s note: Reconnecting after a year of breakup and loss is in the works. KERA and The Dallas Morning News are working together to document how the pandemic has transformed the arts and culture scene in North Texas. Miguel Perez from KERA hears from three people from the LGBTQ community what local gay bars mean to them.

Are gay and lesbian bars dying out?

A 2020 report by Oberlin College found that 37% of gay bars in the US closed between 2007 and 2019. Then the pandemic struck, forcing many local facilities like Sue Ellen – Texas’ oldest lesbian bar – inactive for a year. It reopened on June 4th.

So KERA and The Dallas Morning News have teamed up to explore the state of gay and lesbian bars in North Texas.

More than 75 people took our survey of the importance of gay bars in North Texas. Many shared fond memories of their first visit to a gay bar and of the community they found there.

Many respondents said the pandemic was devastating to the LGBTQ community – increasing isolation, decreasing connections and harming businesses. Others said they found ways to maintain relationships, albeit with smaller groups of friends.

We’re also planning a more in-depth story on the same topic in August, so it’s not too late to share your thoughts with us on what North Texas LGBTQ bars have meant to you. You can do this in two ways:

• Take our survey.
• Leave a voicemail message at 430-558-1603.

We contacted three North Texans who responded to the survey to learn more about how gay bars provide community after trauma. Desire of a person to open a lesbian bar; and another about the importance of spaces for gay people.

“A community that I could love”

Brian Fehler, 45, shared how he went to Oak Lawn to meet a friend and visit his first gay bar.

Brian Fehler, of Fort Worth, said his first visit to a gay bar in Oak Lawn felt like finding community. “This is something I didn’t even know I missed, something I longed for.”(Submitted)

It was the early 1990s and Mistake, from Fort Worth, had a secret relationship with a high school athlete. Both were talking about coming out. A few weeks after bug found out, his friend took his own life.

“I turned inward a lot,” said Fehler. “Depression started and all of a sudden I was in a spiral even though I was a little kid.”

More than a year later, Fehler decided to go out into the world again. He spent his time in Oak Lawn, the heart of Dallas LGBTQ nightlife.

“I saw people going to these bars who looked happy, but more importantly, they looked like they had a community,” he said. “This is something I didn’t even know I missed, something I longed for.”

Failure decided it was time to venture into one of the bars. He met a friend outside the Round-Up Saloon.

When he got to Oak Lawn that night, “I started getting really emotional because I was really scared of going to the gay bar when I wanted to,” he said. “But when I saw him, at that point he took my hand. … Just this touch on the street in front of these bars opened up a reserve for me and I just cried. “

Here’s what that experience meant for him.

“For the first time in my life, I held this man’s hand and looked at a room full of gay and queer people. They talked to me as they talked to him. They greeted me right in their circle. It felt like a reawakening of my old self. My old, exuberant me.

“Most people are born into families who teach them family traditions, the culture and the customs of the family.

“Almost without exception, gay and queer people are not born into gay and queer families. We need to learn from someone outside our family what it means to be ourselves. Our families cannot teach us that, even if they really accept it.

“That first night at the gay bar felt like ‘Here is a community that I could love, that would love me back and teach me what it means to be gay.'”

“Safe place for women”

Megan McLain, 27, went to the Sue Ellen’s reopening on June 4th. As the only lesbian bar in Dallas, McLain said it was “a place where you can be safe. You don’t have to look behind your back. “

Megan McLain, 27, went to the Sue Ellen’s reopening on June 4th. As a bartender, the McKinney resident hopes to open more bars for women like Sue Ellen’s.(Submitted)

The Mesquite resident said gay clubs are like a “home away from home” and she would like to see more places for women like Sue Ellen’s.

“In every city, at least in every major city, there are bars for gays. I’m not entirely sure why the Lesbian Representation is so much smaller, ”she said. “I work as a bartender so I want to open a bar in the future that is a safe place for women to meet and hang out because I believe there aren’t enough of them.”

“None of this is promised”

Mariano Pintor recalled being 18 and feeling like he didn’t belong in Oak Lawn.

Mariano Pintor is shown in front of the Havana Lounge, the first gay bar he went to. (Juan Figueroa / employee photographer)

“Not just because of the gay scene, but because she’s Latino,” said Pintor. “Some of the places were mostly white. I just never felt accepted. “

Then one day he went to the Havana Lounge on Oak Lawn with a friend. Pintor was immediately impressed by the music and the people.

“They play Latin music, but they like authentic Latin music, not just like ‘Despacito’. People you wouldn’t expect made out and danced. I thought, ‘This is so cool!’ said Pintor. “I immediately thought, ‘Okay, I feel good here. I feel at home. ‘”

So is Pintor, now 31 and living in Dallas, hoping for others in the LGBTQ community.

“I think so many of us grow up in our families and communities that are ostracized or neglected. You can show up in a place like Havana and just have a drink. Maybe you meet someone, maybe you don’t, but like you have a place to go. I think everyone needs that.

“I think of our trans brothers and sisters who just have nowhere to go because we can be discriminatory in our own community.

“As a community, we just have to listen to each other more. Some people are still trying to get out, and some people are still trying to get their way. It really has to be thought through and not just taken for granted because none of it is promised. “

A version of this story was broadcast on KERA-FM (90.1) and posted on artandseek.org.

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